So it's time for church camp! Or should I say another 38 days to go... :)

I must say it's been a good few years since I've been excited about church camp! The last one being camp in AMK Church... So that would have been a good 8 years! Well, everything in between from then 'til now is just not worth mentioning! Haha!

Which also means 40 days fasting just started on Monday. Ahhhh, it's not been easy, but it's surprising how when Monday clicked in I actually found the strength to resist what was previously extremely difficult to do! But then again it's just been 2 days. Will I last another 2 days? Another 2 weeks? Sometimes I do think it's all in the mind! Really... A lot of it is in the mind...

I can't wait for such an explosion of God during camp! More importantly, it's going to be such an incredible milestone in Kingdom City as well!

Awesome!!!

Restless...
When an empty seat stares at you.

Breathless...
When a chrome shell whispers the softest, sweetest bass melodies.

Speechless...
With the intensity of the closing in.

Fearless...
A 'little while' brings more strength & sanity than fear of the unknown.

Heartless...
Is what we have to be to return to reality.

I hate being restless.
I love being breathless.
I fight to be speechless.
I can't wait to be fearless.
I will have to stand strong and be heartless.

But I'm weak.

Ahhhhhh!!!! I find myself getting panic attacks more often than not! Especially as the wedding date draws nearer!

It's not that I'm not looking forward to it, I so definitely am!!! I'm really really excited to become Mrs Khouw! Yet at the same time, I have to constantly remind myself to stop being such a pain-in-the-butt perfectionist! But then again, my excuse is always that every girl has their idea of a perfect wedding, I'm no different... :)

Anyway, I shall slave to finish up whatever needs to be done or finalised by the end of this month!!! Pray for me... :)

"Heel!" cries the knight as the steed races towards the impending gloom of the forrest.
"Nay!" bellows the stallion as it charges towards doom.

The knight realises that he no longer holds the reins, fate is now in the hands of a beast, blinded by rage and clouded by misperception.

Should he let go and subcumb to the uncertainty of life, or hold on and embrace the death of his soul?

The choice has to be made.

It's been a crazy four months since I last blogged!

Probably the craziest (but the loveliest) would be getting engaged! He proposed on the 6th of May! (My bro ain't too thrilled about it, it's his b'day.) On a hot air balloon... :) I'm crazy 'bout him and crazy 'bout the rock on my finger!!! Hee, yeah I know... Bless...

Since then, it's been a hectic 4 months, trying to get everything organised, booking reception venues, flowers, photographers, invites, gowns, makeup, hair... And the list goes on! Friends tell me that I'm nuts to have almost everything done when it's still 9 months to the wedding, but I manage to convince them that if I were to wait any longer, I'd stress out more as it approaches!

I'm definitely not the type who could take things easy & have 3 months to go to their wedding & not have anything much done... I'd combust into flames of distress...

God has been so good though. Everything's just been relatively easy in terms of finding stuff, finalising stuff etc. And He's just been awesome at providing the best prices & just the best people! Again, I think God knows that I'm a squirrel in a box & knows just how much stress I can take, so He's making it real easy for me... :)

For those of you who have completely given up on reading my stagnant blog, I sincerely apologise, but I will try to update this somehow...

How cruel and how tragic is the life of a puppet.
Their every move depicted by the pull of the puppeteer.
Hands tied, feet bound, dragged along life but never able to live to the fullest.
How sad and pathetic the ones who are unable to break free from the bondage of mental slavery.
Even worse the ones unaware of the severity of their prison.
Confined within the four walls of selfish ambition, hidden behind the curtains of deceit.
The puppets live and breathe as if liberated, but no further could reality be.

Far away I've run from puppet land, never to return to the pits of the dungeons.
Where on the surface happiness is displayed...
But when stripped bare, lies the rotting flesh of maggots there.

Dependence.
It sneaks up on you when you least expect it to.
It presents itself at the very first sign of need or trouble.
Despite conscious efforts to seek various outlets, you find yourself veering towards the same, over and over again.
The world closes in on you, leaving you no other choice.
You know the danger of its gravitational pull, but there is comfort in the midst of danger.
There you find solace, there you find peace and there you find love.

My dependence...
Forbidden but crucially satisfying.

Things happen for a reason...

She didn't deserve it, she never asked for it, she never dreamt it would happen, but it did. The unconceivable pain of destruction. The unthinkable nightmare come true.
Cries of shock and unbelief resounded in the minds of loved ones.
She emerged stronger, because she resided in a fortress.
She shone like a beacon of hope to the unworthy because the worthy gave up His worth for her.
And through it all, she magnified the existence of the road to Calvary.

Things happen for no reason...

She sways. Like a swing in autumn, she sways. Like a pendulum, she sways.
Unsettled. Like a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower, she is unsettled.
Guilty. As with the fall of the gavel, the judge declares her guilty.
"Where to now?" She asks. "Should I go or should I stay?" She questions.
Every flower has an unique scent. The more she breathes in, the less she feels.
Hence, she goes back to familiarity.

Day turns to night with the blink of an eye
Unwarranted longing with tears to cry
A winding road with no return
This confusion my strength it burns
With the last hold, I bid thee well
The warmth of a bear has cast the spell
Winter chills the misguided soul
Nothing can keep away the cold
Until such a time as this
When dawn approaches with a kiss
That when the sun hangs midday high
My heart once again shall fly

It's been a long while since I last blogged... :)

The last one and a half months have been awesome!

Awesome trip back to Singo!
You would think that the longer you've been away from home, the more you get use to it, but I realised that I actually miss my mum and my bro incredibly much... :( It was really nice to see my baby too... I can't believe we've been 'apart' for more than a year! Oh well, another year to go... *poo*

Awesome times in church!
Church has been indescribably fantastic!!! Growth in numbers exploded! Offerings exploded! Most importantly, God's presence exploded!!! Nothing whacks up a greater appetite than just the thought of church. Sometimes when I think about it, I just feel so immensely blesssed! Great teaching... Great worship... Great fellowship... Great times, great times...

Awesome additions to the world!
Babies! Bec's had her little Charlotte, who I must say looks amazingly gorgeous... And Pastor Jem's had her little Ezekiel, who I must say looks strikingly handsome... Hmmm, I reckon they could grow up together and well, you know, become great friends and erm, maybe more! Heh...

So while the world is writhing in emotional, mental and physical pain because of the economic downturn, my life seems to be doing pretty well... Awesome, I might add... :)