"Heel!" cries the knight as the steed races towards the impending gloom of the forrest.
"Nay!" bellows the stallion as it charges towards doom.

The knight realises that he no longer holds the reins, fate is now in the hands of a beast, blinded by rage and clouded by misperception.

Should he let go and subcumb to the uncertainty of life, or hold on and embrace the death of his soul?

The choice has to be made.

It's been a crazy four months since I last blogged!

Probably the craziest (but the loveliest) would be getting engaged! He proposed on the 6th of May! (My bro ain't too thrilled about it, it's his b'day.) On a hot air balloon... :) I'm crazy 'bout him and crazy 'bout the rock on my finger!!! Hee, yeah I know... Bless...

Since then, it's been a hectic 4 months, trying to get everything organised, booking reception venues, flowers, photographers, invites, gowns, makeup, hair... And the list goes on! Friends tell me that I'm nuts to have almost everything done when it's still 9 months to the wedding, but I manage to convince them that if I were to wait any longer, I'd stress out more as it approaches!

I'm definitely not the type who could take things easy & have 3 months to go to their wedding & not have anything much done... I'd combust into flames of distress...

God has been so good though. Everything's just been relatively easy in terms of finding stuff, finalising stuff etc. And He's just been awesome at providing the best prices & just the best people! Again, I think God knows that I'm a squirrel in a box & knows just how much stress I can take, so He's making it real easy for me... :)

For those of you who have completely given up on reading my stagnant blog, I sincerely apologise, but I will try to update this somehow...

How cruel and how tragic is the life of a puppet.
Their every move depicted by the pull of the puppeteer.
Hands tied, feet bound, dragged along life but never able to live to the fullest.
How sad and pathetic the ones who are unable to break free from the bondage of mental slavery.
Even worse the ones unaware of the severity of their prison.
Confined within the four walls of selfish ambition, hidden behind the curtains of deceit.
The puppets live and breathe as if liberated, but no further could reality be.

Far away I've run from puppet land, never to return to the pits of the dungeons.
Where on the surface happiness is displayed...
But when stripped bare, lies the rotting flesh of maggots there.

Dependence.
It sneaks up on you when you least expect it to.
It presents itself at the very first sign of need or trouble.
Despite conscious efforts to seek various outlets, you find yourself veering towards the same, over and over again.
The world closes in on you, leaving you no other choice.
You know the danger of its gravitational pull, but there is comfort in the midst of danger.
There you find solace, there you find peace and there you find love.

My dependence...
Forbidden but crucially satisfying.

Things happen for a reason...

She didn't deserve it, she never asked for it, she never dreamt it would happen, but it did. The unconceivable pain of destruction. The unthinkable nightmare come true.
Cries of shock and unbelief resounded in the minds of loved ones.
She emerged stronger, because she resided in a fortress.
She shone like a beacon of hope to the unworthy because the worthy gave up His worth for her.
And through it all, she magnified the existence of the road to Calvary.

Things happen for no reason...

She sways. Like a swing in autumn, she sways. Like a pendulum, she sways.
Unsettled. Like a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower, she is unsettled.
Guilty. As with the fall of the gavel, the judge declares her guilty.
"Where to now?" She asks. "Should I go or should I stay?" She questions.
Every flower has an unique scent. The more she breathes in, the less she feels.
Hence, she goes back to familiarity.

Day turns to night with the blink of an eye
Unwarranted longing with tears to cry
A winding road with no return
This confusion my strength it burns
With the last hold, I bid thee well
The warmth of a bear has cast the spell
Winter chills the misguided soul
Nothing can keep away the cold
Until such a time as this
When dawn approaches with a kiss
That when the sun hangs midday high
My heart once again shall fly

It's been a long while since I last blogged... :)

The last one and a half months have been awesome!

Awesome trip back to Singo!
You would think that the longer you've been away from home, the more you get use to it, but I realised that I actually miss my mum and my bro incredibly much... :( It was really nice to see my baby too... I can't believe we've been 'apart' for more than a year! Oh well, another year to go... *poo*

Awesome times in church!
Church has been indescribably fantastic!!! Growth in numbers exploded! Offerings exploded! Most importantly, God's presence exploded!!! Nothing whacks up a greater appetite than just the thought of church. Sometimes when I think about it, I just feel so immensely blesssed! Great teaching... Great worship... Great fellowship... Great times, great times...

Awesome additions to the world!
Babies! Bec's had her little Charlotte, who I must say looks amazingly gorgeous... And Pastor Jem's had her little Ezekiel, who I must say looks strikingly handsome... Hmmm, I reckon they could grow up together and well, you know, become great friends and erm, maybe more! Heh...

So while the world is writhing in emotional, mental and physical pain because of the economic downturn, my life seems to be doing pretty well... Awesome, I might add... :)

8 more hours and I'll be on the plane... :)

You my baby, are the magic in me...

She's the funniest ever! :)

I crack up every time I watch this... Even though I got wet in the process, it was so worth it!




I love her much!!! She's my princess... :)

I'm trudging through work today, falling asleep every half an hour. Thank God it's 4pm already!

Left Bennie's after 11pm last night, but we had great fun recording! Not finished yet though, we still have heaps of vocal stuff to do... Which means another late night tonight! Again I'm almost regretting not staying over tonight... I might post something on my blog after the final mastering and mixdown is done... :)

Ooh, and I just realised last night that vanilla ice cream can be really yummy with milo or raspberries on top!

I had a fabulous lunch with Neil and Lee today! Hans cafe... I never was a big fan of that place, but I guess the company makes up for it! They'll be flying off on the 29th of Dec, and I'm just spewing thinking about it! Poo.

Ooh! I had an awesome day today!

We had staff meeting in the morning... After the usual sharing etc., we had a debrief for Sunday service. And it hit me there and then, "I'm in this church. I'm IN this church. I'm in THIS church. I'M IN THIS CHURCH! THIS IS MY CHURCH!" And suddenly I felt as if though a floodgate opened, and immense joy poured through my entire being! I think I almost cried! It's been amazing going through heaps of different emotions over the last 2 weeks. It's like the game 'pass the parcel', the excitement piles on after each layer is peeled off! I think I'm still unwrapping the parcel, and I can't wait 'til I reach the prezzie!

The girls convinced Mark to keep Gloria Jeans! And now Van, Jem and myself are going to be the new 'Save GJ's' team! (We'll come up with a jazzier name soon enough)... We've got 1 year (and a relatively huge budget) to spruce things up and raise the profits off our roofs! I'm going to get a shot at marketing, designing, etc. And I think I'm going to love every moment of it!

Sometimes I feel as if though my heart is racing faster than my brain can keep up with... My heart wants to do a million things! It wants to be involved with the youth, with the uni group, with the worship team, with the service team, with multimedia, with every single available thing to do! But I'm glad I've got a rather rational brain that flashes a red light when necessary... I've got to learn to pace myself... :)

I'm going over to Bennie's later to help him with some recording stuff... Pizza for dinner (cheap on tuesdays)... That's going to be great fun! Yawn, but I'm starting to regret, I should have just agreed to stay over, not exactly looking forward to the 40 min drive home in the wee hours of the morning! But then as Sel said, I'd probably have to pack a full overnight bag (cleanser, moisturiser, makeup remover, sunblock, powder, makeup, brushes, shampoo, conditioner, comb, clothes, pyjamas, towel, handphone charger, ha!) just for 1 night, too much effort there too...

Was talking to my baby last night, and I was just kinda moaning and groaning about how I'd probably never get into the worship team here! If they wanted to, they could all go pro! Sometimes I wonder (and I'm throwing this question out to all you peeps as well), would you rather be in a place where you obviously are the best and it wouldn't take peanuts to 'outshine' everyone, or would you rather be somewhere where all factors taken into consideration, you're only average... I reckon pros and cons for both... When you're in a place where you're easily the best, you get conceited rather easily, and probably wouldn't bother to improve any further. But it makes you feel really good about yourself though... On the other hand, when you're surrounded by the very best, you can either choose to feel lousy or work hard at reaching the top (or at least being on par)... Of course I'm not just referring to worship teams here, but I think it applies to every facet of our lives. I used to apply that a lot in my education as well... Basically, what I'm trying to say is this, at the end of the day, it really depends on which environment we thrive best in... Duh... High fives for all you who agree... :)

I'm done here... Going to pack up soon and head over to Bennie's... Thank you Jesus for giving someone the brains to invent air-cons...

Church today was awesome!

Worship was heaven on earth... But most importantly, I just loved it all!

Matty G preached a truly thought provoking message. "What's all the fuss about vision?" I love how he always presents a new perspective to any sermon that seemingly has been heard a million times before. That got me thinking a lot... Not just about what he said, but also about myself.

I find that the preachers who intrigue me the most are those who either provoke me to think and ask questions or those who present God to me in such an amazing way! More explanation needed?

Firstly, I'm a thinker... I like my mind to be challenged, to be provoked, to be galvanized. I thrive in mental stimulation! Anything and everything can start a whole chain of thought processes in my mind. I like to take pieces and fit them together, and mind you, they'd better fit, or I'd go crazy just trying to piece the puzzle. And that's the downside of it... If I can't get my head around something, I can't stop until I do! And it's not much fun when you've got a million things to think about... That being said, my point is that I like it when people ask me questions. And if you look in the bible, Jesus' probably had many people thinking hard when he first started preaching in parables! I believe that if you spoonfeed someone, there is only so much they can do, everything has to be a revelation before true change takes place! Of course I'm not dissing all the 'fact' lovers. Some things are not meant to be questioned, facts are facts, rules are rules, commandments are commandments, the law IS the law. If we forget that, then we'd be spiralling towards self destruction!

Secondly, as probably anyone who really knows me, will know that one of my favourite preachers would have to be Ps Chris Hill. Why? Because he has a revelation of who Jesus is, and he preaches the revelation, he presents the revelation, he lives out the revelation and he draws his listeners into the revelation. It's all too easy to preach a 'point form' sermon, on "10 steps to true forgiveness", "5 reasons why you need God" or "3 ways to be a better Christian". I listen and I believe, but I glaze over soon enough. And of course, Max Lucado. Sitting in the top 5 of my list of favourites... His books engage my mind, and my heart. The way he describes Jesus, wrenches me from the downs of life and hurls me into a full blown, passionate relationship with God. Again, I'm not against any specific type of sermon, book, or Christian material here. I'm just saying that I love it when someone helps pull me closer to Jesus and makes me fall in love with Him more.

Just some random thoughts blabbered all across my blog... :)

"His greatest gift is Himself. Sunsets steal our breath. Caribbean blue stills our hearts. Newborn babies stir our tears. Lifelong love bejewels our lives. But take all these away - strip away the sunsets, oceans, cooing babies, and tender hearts - and leave us in the Sahara, and we still have reason to dance in the sand."

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I'm speechless once again.

Bennie said something on Monday that I thought was pretty profound. And something about what he said really struck a chord in my heart and got my thoughts so wrapped up in it the last couple of days, that I could barely find myself thinking about anything else! After spending oodles of time reflecting on it, I've finally more or less come to terms with what he said...

The problem with a lot of churches is that sometimes we get so caught up in programs, events and structures that we end up "serving" them. When from the very start, the reason why we ran programs, held events or built structures was for them to "serve" us to further our purposes. Often we get so caught up in planning and in meetings that we end up spending way more time in our plannings/meetings instead of spending it with the people that we are supposedly running the programs/events etc. for! If we were to sit down and do a ratio analysis, we'd realise in comparison, just how little time is actually put into building relationships with people!

I've always been one hell of a perfectionist. Talk to me about excellence and it'd be right up my alley. The only problem with that is that I can get pretty consumed by the actions and behaviours of others. And more often than not, I'd find almost murderous thoughts lurking at the back of my mind due to the lack of excellence of people around me.

I now understand... Because I am who I am, in that I still subscribe to the tendencies of excellence, I therefore have to do away with running programs or events for the time being. As much as there is a ravenousness in me towards things of that nature, I choose to let go and let someone else run the show for the time being. I'll just follow and learn. The upcoming year's going to be a really exciting one. It was previously exciting to me because of the humongous plans I had brewing in my mind, now it's exciting because I'm going to have to learn to trust someone else to do the brewing, while I stir the pot occasionally and add in any ingredients requested. Sounds simple enough, but trust me when I say it might be the most complex thing I'd have to do.

But I choose to.

Happy birthday my dearest friend! 14 years (at least) and counting...

It was awesome talking to you again! I hope you feel better soon yar? It's horrid to be sick on your birthday.

*Miss ya heaps*

Yesterday...

A monumental moment. A moment of exhilaration. A moment of immense joy. A moment of release and relief. A moment of breakthrough. An indescribably amazing moment!

Have you ever gone grocery shopping and had to walk for 30 mins (with 10kg worth of groceries) before reaching home? The feeling felt when you let go of everything on your kitchen bench?

Or having to carry tons of luggage, after a long flight, (cos you couldn't stop yourself from shopping) and dragging them up that flight of stairs to your apartment? The feeling felt when you finally found your keys, opened the door, and crashed on your couch?

Have you ever woken up from a nightmare, drenched in sweat and tears, to realise that it was only a bad dream?

Or have you ever read a book that describes a story so depressing yet so enchanting that you wish the end of the chapter was just a page away?

That was my yesterday... I've dropped my 'groceries', my 'luggage', my 'baggage'... I've woken up from a really long and bad dream... Most importantly, I reached the end of the chapter and I'm thrilled to be starting a whole new chapter!

And I'm happy. Really really happy. Really really really happy. :)

I see you.
I picture you.

Sunlight penetrates the heavy folds
Plunging into the depths of your soul
Awake! Awake!
In your dreams you’d be a king
But tis your life is in ruins

Clutch the corner of your sheets
True fear is where reality meets
Sunken is your heart hung low
With sweat filled tears on your brow

Pride resides where guilt should be
Your poison is now your enemy
Run from it all you will
Fight to live within your means
But still you’ll be safer in your dreams

The existence of mankind has always been a mystery. Leading many to delve labouriously into the whole theory behind it. Such is this complexity of creation that mankind themselves seek, search, hunt, kill, all just to satisfy their craving for answers.

Such then is the nature of Man... Evolving into modernisation does not obliterate the intensity and passion of Man's inquisitivity. More than ever, it has been accentuated by the importance placed on literacy.

I've got the whole existence thing figured out and have never been swayed by preposterous theories. But lately, it's the nature of Man itself that has given birth to an assortment of enigmas in my heart.


One. Deceit.



It is almost impossible to fathom deceit when you are the victim of it. Having been betrayed by endless lies, I have learnt the harshness of reality - selfishness. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to look kindly upon it. Once or twice, you learn to let go... But constant deceit, for weeks, months, years? Not impossible, but not in my line of tolerance yet.


Two. The Judas syndrome.



Most of us understand the need for harmonious relationships. And more often than not, mankind seek harmony. However, the morally debased find pleasure in playing Judas, in storing up daggers in their warehouses, in inflicting immense pain on others. They appear to thrive in false accusations, spitting out the very poison that would eventually curse them.


Three. Greed.



Every word rings true, as it is said, that the love of money is the root of all evil. A covetous heart begets covetous actions. The fall of mankind has often been linked back to an avarice spirit, to an inordinate desire of gain. Sadly, gains obtained from greed never last long, it often pushes you further and further into a trap that you soon find no way out.


Four. Insecurity.



It is what consumes you on the inside slowly and it is often the hardest to admit to. You plan, plot, scheme, devise, all for the sake of relieving the anxieties in your heart. It drives you crazy when you lose control, it plays with your mind, bringing about illusions and unnecessary fears.

Once again, the very nature of Man leaves me confounded, bewildered and perplexed.

These couple of weeks have been a struggle... Piles of unnecessary baggage to wade through, with the hope of rising above the whirlpools of it all... It can all be summed up in this song...


We both had our "profoundly revolutionary" statements this week, thanks for keeping mine in mind...
Thank you for valuing what I say and what I do. No matter how tiring or how heartbreaking, I will (as promised) keep wading through it together with you.